He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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