i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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