i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
