textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
