Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize