My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
