Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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