I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize