You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So much rum. So many feels.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
