Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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