He felt like a one man threesome
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
