I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize