btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
