Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
