I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
