all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
