You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
