If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
