i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
