someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am one with the molecules
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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