elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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