do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
