ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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