I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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