The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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