Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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