now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
