At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
