It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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