Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
