I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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