I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
