I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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