Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
