I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want to fling myself into the sun
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
