Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
