Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sober January is a disaster.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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