it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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