I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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