totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize