Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
