he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How does one acquire holy water?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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