Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
