the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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