it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
