that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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