Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
