happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
