I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
