***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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