its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
