Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
