he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just tell him i said nine months
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my shit smells like andre
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
