it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
