Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize