dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Small penises have feelings too.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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