Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
