Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize