guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
