IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
These tits shall not be calmed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
