I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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