Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
