there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
