Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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