You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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