And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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