oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
