im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
