The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
