i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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