Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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