don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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