Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
