He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
