Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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