Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
