i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
