i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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