she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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