I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize