Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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