Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
