Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
