i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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